Sean laid the guitar across his knees. The music was inside him. Why couldn't he bring it out? He ran his fingers across the strings and closed his eyes. He could hear the notes. He heard their echo, knew the chords, the delicate strings to touch. Why did the notes stay inside him?
"Sean, dinner," his mother called from the other room. "It's your favorite, mac and cheese."
Sean raised the guitar, stood, and wrapped his arms around it before putting it away. "The music is within me," he thought. The music is within me.
During dinner with the family his thoughts kept going back to the music, and the school play that was coming up in a few days. He knew his lines just like he knew the music, but something was missing. He felt a void that kept him from feeling good about what he was doing.
After dinner, he went back to the music room and picked up the guitar. Instead of playing, he stared out the window remembering the dress rehearsal after school.
"Sean," Mr. Hayes, the Director of the school play called, "You did that line great, but your body needs to be less tense. Can you do it again?"
Sean looked at Anna Lee, the other character in the scene. "Olay."
"And take it from the last scene." The Director called.
Sean changed his posture, leaning forward toward Ann Lee. "So you think love is that important in this world. You foolish girl." He scoffs and begins to walk away.
Anna Lee stands stiffly. "Don't you? Are you afraid of love?"
Sean stops. The script in his hand, it is the 2d rehearsal of the school play. Sean and Anna Lee are the leads. He looks at the words. So different now when spoken than when he read them.
"I'm not afraid of love," the words of the play came easily to him. He had memorized all his lines the day he received the script. Being an actor was in his soul. It came easily to him.
Anna Lee walked a few steps towards him. "Then why do you run from me?"
Sean blinked, looked down at the script in his hand. That wasn't her line. He quickly scanned the page.
"Sean," Ann Lee said, "Why do you run from me?"
In the orchestra pit, Mr. Hayes shuffled through the pages. Anna Lee wasn't following the script. What was going on he wondered? It dawned on him, Anna Lee wasn't playing the role; she was doing a personal role.
On stage, Sean stared at her. "I don't run from you," he stammered.
"Yes, you do. Every time I try to tell you how I feel about you, you run away."
Sean looked at Mr. Hayes, then at the script in his hand. He was shy, hesitant. Speaking in a voice other than his usual strong stage persona, he hesitated and almost stammers. "I don't know how you feel about me."
Mr. Hayes watches, letting the unscripted scene play out, remembering his teen years and his hesitancy to let a girl know; how it felt to face possible rejection.
"Okay you two, let's get back to the scene."
Later Sean couldn't sleep. He tiptoed into the music room, picked up his guitar and strummed for a few moments. The music came out of his mind as the words came from his voice,
"Why do you run from me?
Being with you is where I want to be
I never knew love, until I met you"
Suddenly the music from his mind, the notes so perfect came into life. He played the guitar without hesitation, without fear. He played it with love. It was at that moment that Sean knew, music notes without direction, just as in life without direction, gets you nowhere.
Sean played his music, it came forth with emotion, and he knew it would be something he would always remember. Music, just as love comes from the heart and soul. You have to let it out and not run away from it.
©M. Bradley McCauley
Written for her Grandson, Sean.
